50 Ways to Fool Your Mother

 

I'm On My Way
traditional, additional lyrics by Bill Harley

I’m on my way to freedom land
I’m on my way to freedom land
I’m on my way to freedom land
I’m on my way, that’s right, I’m on my way

My sister and brother gonna come with me
My sister and brother gonna come with me
My sister and brother gonna come with me
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way

Gonna take my dog along with me
Gonna take my dog right along with me
Gonna take my dog gonna bring him with me
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way

Gonna ask my dad if I can go
Gonna ask my dad if I can go
Gonna ask my dad if I can go
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way

If he says no, I’m gonna go anyway
If he says no, I’m gonna go anyway
If he says no, I’m gonna go anyway
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way

I’m on my way, and I can’t turn back
I’m on my way, I can’t turn back
I’m on my way, I can’t turn back
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way

I’m on my way to freedom land
I’m on my way to freedom land
I’m on my way to freedom land
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way
I’m on my way, oh yeah, I’m on my way

There Goes My Brother Again
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

Also found on "Play It Again" and "One More Time"

I’ve saved my nickels,
I’ve saved my dimes,
I’ve saved my quarters too
I’ve got twelve dollars
up in my room
Here’s what I’m going to do:
Down at the toy store
I saw a model,
one that I want to buy
I’m going out the door
when my mom says,
“Your brother’s going to cry
please take him with you”
“Ah, mom!”
So I take my brother down to the toy store,
we get there and walk inside
I’m looking all a round for the model,
the one that I want to buy
When up comes a lady
who works at the store,
“Young man” I hear her say
“If this is your brother,
he just broke a toy and
somebody’s going to pay,
Eleven ninety five, please”
Oh, there goes my brother again,
ruining all of my plans

CHORUS
I know I should love him
I know what they say
and I would
if he’d just go away

After I spend all day at school
I run the whole way home
I’m gonna meet my friends
at the ball field
I’m gonna go alone
But when I get there,
my father is waiting,
there’s something he has to do
He says, “Here’s your brother, all alone
Please take him along with you”
“Oh dad!”
So I take my brother
down to the ball field
He says he wants to play
I say he can’t so he starts to cry
so I let him have his way
But as soon as we start
he gets hit in the face
By a ball that
my friend Bobby throws
He gets a nose bleed,
he starts to scream
And I have to take him home, oh

CHORUS

My mother tells me
my brother is sick
They don’t know what to do
They go and take him down to the doctor
She says, “He has the flu”
He stays in bed for almost a week
So sick he can hardly smile
And although he bugs me,
I still kinda like him
And miss him every once in a while
So I go to my room,
I open my drawer
The one that I always lock
I get out my favorite comic book
The one underneath my socks
I go and take it in to my brother
I say, “He can have a look”
He starts to turn green
and then throws up,
right on my comic book!, oh

CHORUS
I know I should love him,
I know that it’s true
And I will
when I turn forty-two!

Havin' a Party
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

They were havin’ a party
Havin’ a dance
Havin’ a social affair
Her mom and her dad said
They’d have a good time
But they didn’t want any kids there
We really do love you,
It’s not that we don’t,
It’s just you’re a little too young
So you go upstairs now
And you go to sleep
When you get older you can come

CHORUS
She said, “They’re havin’ a party in my own house
And they’re tellin’ me that I can’t come
I think I’m gonna invite my self
Even though I’m a little too young.”

When no one was looking
She snuck down the stairs
Into the dining room
She hid under the table
She got there not a moment too soon
Cause her mom and dad loaded that table with food
‘til she heard it creak and groan
They left the room
They left her with the food
And she was all alone
They had little cheese balls
Crackers and dip
Carrots and celery
They had these mushrooms Stuffed with ooky brown junk
More food than she ever had seen
She took a handful
She took two
She ate, she ate and she ate
Then her mom walked back in the dining room
She said “That’s funny, we’re missing a plate!”

CHORUS

She could tell when the guests came in
She really had a pretty good view
She couldn’t see their faces
But she knew them by their legs and their shoes
They danced like a bunch of elephants
When the music started to play
She wondered why grownups talked so loud
When whey really had nothing to say.
But then her baby brother
Comes running down the stairs
He said, “My sister’s gone.
I can’t find her anywhere.”
She said “Uh ohh.”
Somebody screamed,
Her father fainted
She saw him hit the floor
Somebody said “Maybe she’s outside!?"
Ten of ‘em ran for the door
Somebody said, “I will call the police!”
Her mother said, “My baby’s gone!!”
Somebody lifted up the tablecloth
She looked up and said “HI MOM!”

“Young lady, you come out of there right this instant!
When your father comes...
When your father comes to,
He’s going to have a word with you!!”
“But Mom!”
“Don’t you ‘but Mom’ me!”

She’s havin’ a party
She’s havin’ a dance,
She’s havin’ a social affair
She’s spending the next two weeks in her room
Alone with her teddy bear
Because they were havin' a party in her own house
And they told her she couldn’t come
She said, "I’m going to invite myself,
Even though I’m a little too young
So what if I’m a little too young?
Well, maybe I’m a little too young"

My Dog Sam
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

Also found on "One More Time"

CHORUS
My dog Sam was a good old dog;
he was my best friend
Now he’s gone and he won’t be back,
and I’ll never see him again
I’ll never see him again

My mom brought him from the pound when I was only three
She gave him baths, my dad gave him bones, but he mostly belonged to me
He mostly belonged to me.

CHORUS

Sam chased rabbits, Sam chased squirrels, one time he caught a skunk
We washed him in tomato juice, but you know that dog still stunk
You know that dog still stunk.

CHORUS

The first night that I slept outside I was so scared I thought I’d die
The sky was big and the night was dark, but Sam stayed right by my side
He slept right by my side.

CHORUS

The other night I woke from sleep, I knew something was wrong
I’d seen Sam in my dreams and I knew that old Sam was gone
I knew that old Sam was gone.

CHORUS

I’ve still got Sam’s tennis ball, I keep it in my penny can
I’m gonna get me another dog, but I’ll never get another Sam
I’ll never get another Sam

CHORUS

When I First Came to This Land
Traditional, additional lyrics by Bill Harley

When I first came to this land I was not a wealthy man
So I got myself a cow and I did what I could
And I called my cow “No milk now”
But the land was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this land I was not a wealthy man
So I got myself a horse, and I did what I could
And I called my horse “Lame of course”
And I called my cow “No milk now”
But the land was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this land I was not a wealthy man
So I got myself a hen, and I did what I could
And I called my hen “No eggs again”
I called my horse “Lame of course”
I called my cow “No milk now”
But the land was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this land I was not a wealthy man
So I got myself a dog, and I did what I could
And I called my dog “What a hog”
I called my hen “No eggs again”
I called my horse “Lame of course”
Called my cow “No milk now”
But the land was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this land I was not a wealthy man
So I got myself an elephant!, and I did what I could
And I called my elephant “I’m so elegant”
And I called my dog “What a hog”
I called my hen “No eggs again”
I called my horse “Lame of course”
Called my cow “No milk now”
But the land was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

Under One Sky
by Ruth Pelham, with additional lyrics by Bill Harley

Lyrics reprinted by permission Music Mobile Workshops Seminars Resources, PO Box 6024, Albany, NY 12206
Thanks to Ruth for writing this song, and letting me record it - I’m not sure where her version ends and mine begins. You can hear Ruth sing it herself on her recording, Under One Sky, on Gentle Wind, GW 1012 and Flying Fish Records.

We’re all a family under one sky
A family under one sky
We’re all a family under one sky
A family under one sky

Oh we’re birds and we’re trees
And we’re flowers and mosquitoes too
Oh we’re oceans and we’re rivers
And we’re mountains and people too

Oh we’re Italians and we’re Irish
And we’re Mexican and we’re German too
Oh we’re Korean, we’re Nigerian
We’re Russian and American too

Oh we’re footstompers and we’re toothchompers
We’re handclappers and fingersnappers
We’re laughers and we’re cryers
And we’re sleepers and sneezers too

Oh we’re lions and we’re lambs
And we’re cows and we’re turtles too
Oh we’re dogs and we’re cats
Some of us are pigs and kangaroos

50 Ways to Fool Your Mother
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

Also found on "Play It Again"

Early in the morning when you open up your eyes
You can hear the coffee perking and the egg your mother fries
Lyin’ in your bed you start to feel blue
When you think of all the things that you really want to do.

You want to play baseball, you want to ride your bike
You want to read a comic book, you want to take a hike
But no you don’t, there’s something else to do

Dress yourself and have your breakfast, you’ve got to go to school
If just this once you didn’t have to go
But if you ask they’ll just say no
If you only think a moment, there’s something you can do
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother.

It’s really rather simple if you only stop and think
You could tell her you got sick last night and threw up in the sink
Say you got the measles, say you got the mumps
Tell her that you’re too depressed and way down in the dumps
Say that you’re not you, there’s a martian in your place,
You’re really on a rocketship somewhere in outer space
Oh you’ve got to use your head, but I’m sure you’ll find a way
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother

You could tell her that your teacher said you’ve done so well
You don’t have to go to school today, you can rest a spell
Tell her that a tidal wave is comin’ to your town
If you try to get to school you just might drown!
Say a herd of elephants is roamin’ through the streets
That your shoes have shrunk, they won’t fit on your feet
Say your school was zapped into hyperspace
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother.

You could tell her that your turtle’s sick, you’ve got to stay at home
You’re waiting for the President to call you on the phone
Say you’re sore and achy, there’s a poundin’ in your head
That your legs won’t move, you can’t get out of bed
Tell her that you won’t get up, you know it’s just a dream
You know your real mother would never act so mean
Put some powder on your fact until it’s really white
Heat up the thermometer over the light
Take some iodine and put some spots upon your face
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother.

So your mother finally buys it and says “OK”
But if you’re so sick, you can’t go out to play.
You’ve got to stay at home, you’ve got to get some rest
I can help you with your homework you can study for your test
Maybe by tomorrow you’ll feel OK
I’m really very sorry that you’re sick on Saturday”
SATURDAY! I didn’t know it was Saturday!

Your mother smiles sweetly as she gets up to leave
You should have known that mothers got something up their sleeves

There must be some way out of this, something you can do
Are there 50 more ways to fool your mother?
50 ways to fool your mother? 50 ways to fool your mother?

Mr. Spaceman
By Roger McGuinn
Lyrics reprinted by permission Tickson Music BMI

Woke up this morning with light in my eyes
I then realized it was still dark outside
Saucer-shaped lights comin’ down from the sky
I don’t know who or why

CHORUS
Hey Mr. Spaceman won’t you please take me along
I won’t do anything wrong
Hey Mr. Spaceman won’t you please take me along for a ride.

Must be those strangers that come in the night
Their saucer-shaped lights put people uptight
Leave blue-green footprints that glow in the dark
I hope they get home all right.

CHORUS

Woke up this morning I was feeling quite weird
There were flies in my beard and my toothpaste was smeared
Over the window they’d written my name
They said “So long we’ll see you again!”

CHORUS

Somos El Barco/We Are the Boat
By Lorre Wyatt
Lyrics reprinted by permission - Roots and Branches Music, PO Box 369 Greenfield, MA 01302

The Spanish words in this song are followed by the English translation, a reminder that we are all sharing one world, together. You can hear Lorre sing his own songs on his record Roots and Branches on Folk Legacy Records, FSI-88.

The stream sings it to the river, the river sings it to the sea
And the sea sings it to the boat that carries you and me.

CHORUS
Somos el barco, somos el mar, you navego en ti, tu navegas en mi
We are the boat, we are the sea, I sail in you, you sail in me

And the boat that we are sailing in was built by many hands
And the sea that we are sailing on, it touches every sand.

CHORUS

The voyage has been long and hard, yet we are sailing still
With a song to help us pull together if we only will.

CHORUS

So with our hopes we raise the sails to face the wind once more
And with our hearts we chart the waters never sailed before.

CHORUS