Monsters in the Bathroom

 

 

Black Socks
(writer unknown)

Also found on "Play It Again"

I learned this round years ago - I can’t remember when or where. It’s a good song to sing when you don’t want to do the laundry.

Black socks, they never get dirty
The longer you wear them, the stronger they get
Sometimes I think I should wash them
But something inside me keeps saying
Not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet

What's the Matter with You
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

So many things today encourage us to be just like everybody else. It's all right to be different.

Do you ever have to explain
Why it is you are you
Some people never understand
Why you do the things that you do
It seems that everyday
Someone comes up to me to say

What’s the matter with you?
You act like your head is unscrewed
I say
Thankyou kindly have a very nice day
I just like to be that way

Sometimes late at night
When everybody’s asleep
I put on my sneakers and sneak outside
Do somersaults in the street
But I know sometime next day
Someone will come up to me to say

Bill, what’s the matter with you?
Don’t you know last night it was a
quarter past two?
I say
Thankyou kindly have a very nice day
I just like to be that way

Sometimes I get so hungry
There’s a sandwich that I love to eat
It’s made of pickles and jelly, spaghetti,
and doughnuts
I tell you it’s a really good treat
But when I eat it sometime that day
Someone will come up to me to say

Oh Gross, what is the matter with you?
You know you eat the weirdest foods
I say
Thankyou kindly have a very nice day
I just like to be that way

Sometimes I’m in a hurry
I have to get dressed so fast
I put my shoes on to cover my feet
Slip my socks on last
But I know sometime that day
Someone will come up to me to say

Psst hey, Bill, what is the matter with you?
Don’t you know your socks are outside your shoes?
But I say,
Thankyou kindly have a very nice day
I just like to be that way

Sometimes I get so bored
I can’t think of anything to do
So I pour fountain ink all over my head
And fill up my ears with glue
But I know sometime that day
Someone will come up to me to say

Bill, what is the matter with you?
Don’t you know that your hair is all blue
I say I can’t hear you I’ve got glue in my ears
have a very nice day
I just like to be that way

So it’s all right to be different
It’s not that bad yo see
If everybody was exactly the same
What a boring old world this would be
So don’t you feel dismayed
If someone comes up to you to say

What is the matter with you,
you know honestly sometimes I think you act like your head is unscrewed
Just say
Thankyou kindly have a very nice day
I just like to be that way
Thankyou kindly have a very nice day
I just like to be that way

Monsters in the Bathroom
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

Also found on "Play It Again"

I still wake up and hear things that go bump in the night. Kids like this song, but adults seem to like it even more. Hmmmmmm.

I was just a kid
I never will forget
I woke up late one night
I lay there in my bed
my family was a slumbrin’
no one was around
I was almost back asleep
when I thought I heard a sound
a creak upon the staircase
I could plainly hear something there was moving
it filled my heart with fear
it couldn’t be my mother
it couldn’t be my dad
my brother John slept next to me
he’s the only one I had
I thought:

CHORUS
Monsters in the bathroom
monsters in the hall
monsters in the closet
hangin’ from the wall
I thought they’d come and eat my parents
I’d be all alone
then they’d nibble on my toes
right down to the bone

So I pulled the covers o’er my head,
my knees began to shake
My mind said, “Just go back to sleep"
but my body stayed awake
I thought of all the monsters
in the movies I had seen
They’d all been pretty scary,
all been pretty mean
So I tried to calm myself down
“There’s nothing to be afraid of,
nothing there at all”
I had just convinced myself
when I heard it in the hall

CHORUS

I could hear the monster breathing
I could hear the monster sigh
The monster stood right over me
I kissed the world good-bye
And then the lights came on
I screamed “I’m dead”
But the monster was my mother
and this is what she said:
I was having a midnight snack
when I thought I heard you call
So I came up the stairs
I tiptoed down the hall
When I was just a kid like you
I’d wake up in the night
I’d hear a creak, begin to freak,
so my dad turned on the lights
I thought there were:

CHORUS

“Oh mom that’s just plain stupid
I never get afraid
You must have been a chicken
or not been very brave
But my brother John
he hates the dark
So please leave on the lights”
He says:

CHORUS

When I Grow Up
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

Kids need to be affirmed that they can make a choice about the way they live their lives, no matter the color of their skin or whether they're a boy or a girl. As a matter of fact, we all need that.

When I grow up to be twenty-three
A storyteller’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll tell stories every day
He’s a good storyteller you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be twenty-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be thirty-three
A teacher’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll teach kids every day
She’s a good teacher you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be thirty-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be forty-three
An archeologist’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll look for ancient things every day
He’s a good archeologist you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be forty-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be fifty-three
A vet is what I’m gonna be
I’ll take care of animals everyday
She’s a good vet you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be fifty-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be sixty-three
An oceanographer’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll study the ocean everyday
He’s a good oceanographer you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be sixty-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be seventy-three
A dancer’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll go dancing everyday
She’s a good dancer you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be seventy-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be eighty-three
A hockey player’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll play hockey every day
He’s a good hockey player you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be eighty-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be ninety-three
An interior decorator’s what I’m gonna be
I’ll help people decorate rooms everyday
She’s a good interior decorator you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be ninety-three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

When I grow up to be one hundred and three
An architect is what I’m gonna be
I’ll design buildings every day
He’s a good architect you’ll hear them say
When I grow up to be one hundred and three
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me
I’m still gonna be me, yeah
I’m still gonna be me

That's What Friends Are For
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

This started out as a kid's song, ended up being for adults and now is on a kid's recording. It's for the adults that are going to hear it.

CHORUS
If you’ve got potatoes
and I got tomatoes
We could have dinner together
If you got a raincoat
and I got a tugboat
We’ll sail no matter the weather
If I had some money
and the sky was sunny
We could spend the day
by the shore
You know I’d be glad
to share what I had
That’s what friends are for

If you’re down on your luck
You don’t have a buck
There’s holes in the toes
of your shoes
You’re scrounging for pennies
You can’t find any,
you’ve got nothing left to lose
Don’t you worry about dollars
Just give me a holler a whistle
and yodel-ay-ee-ooo
If I got a nickel we’ll go buy a pickle
I’d be happy to share it with you

CHORUS

If the job that you’ve got
just makes your mind rot
Everybody takes you for granted
You’re frying your mind to five from nine
And you feel like
you’re on the wrong planet
Don’t mess with those blues
You’ve got nothing to lose
In walking from a place like that
Why we can sing in the streets
and be light on our feet
We’ll split what goes into the hat

CHORUS

When you get older
People get colder
Don’t give you the time of day
They just ignore you
They don’t care for you
Just cause your hair’s gone grey
Don’t feel alone
Get on the phone
Dial my number give me a ring
I’ll be that way too
wearing corrective shoes
We can get together and sing

CHORUS

Freddy the Fly Eating Frog
©Bill Harley, All rights reserved
Reprints with permission only

The dangers of a strange diet. I encourage you to make frog noises during the chorus. Thanks to Steve Snyder for bringing this song to life.

I had a friend whose skin was green
He had the biggest old mouth
you ever have seen
Long, long legs and bulging eyes
His name was Freddy the frog
and he liked to eat flies

He ate them in the morning
he ate them late at night
When he climbed under the covers
and turned off the light
Lying on his back or sitting on a log
His name was Freddy the fly eating frog

CHORUS
Freddy the fly eating frog
Freddy the fly eating frog
He ate so many flies
that some folks thought he was a hog
But he was Freddy the fly eating frog

It started one day when he was just a kid
His momma was gone
and all the cookies were hid
I’m so hungry he screamed and sung
When a fly going by got caught on his tongue
He pulled in his tongue in a great big yawn
When he let it out again
you know that fly was gone
“Pretty good” he said with a smack
“For a frog that’s a mighty nice snack”

CHORUS

Flies were the only thing that he would eat
He hated vegetables
he never touched meat
Bring him some ice cream
he ‘d scream and cry
"Take that stuff away from me
please bring me some flies"
"Freddy," I said
"It’s a mighty strange thing
That flies are the only thing
that make you sing
You’d better be careful what happens to you
Or your fly-eating days will be through"

CHORUS

Freddy got a job working at a restaurant
The man said “Freddy,
eat all the flies that you want”
Freddy was happy,
thought his job was great
Til he wound up by mistake
on a customer’s plate
The man picked him up
and swallowed him down and said
“These are the best frog legs
I’ve had in this town”
Freddy the Fly Eating Frog met his end
At the hands of Frank,
the Frog Eating Man

CHORUS

The Billboard Song
(traditional)

We used to sing this song on the bus when I was in grade school. Since then, I've heard three or four different versions of it.

As I was walking down the street a billboard caught my eye
The advertisements on it would make you laugh and cry
The sign was torn and shattered from the storm the night before
The wind and rain had done its work and this is what I saw
Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes Drink Wrigley’ spearmint beer
Ken-L-Ration dog food makes your wife’s complexion clear
Chocolate covered mothballs, they always satisfy
Brush your teeth with Lifebuoy soap and watch the suds go by
As I recovered from my shock I went upon my way
I only got a block or so and then to my dismay
Another billboard caught my eye, and like the one before
The wind and rain had done its work and this is what I saw
Take your next vacation in a brand new Frigidaire
Learn to play piano in your winter underwear
Simonize your baby with Hershey’s candy bars
Texaco the beauty cream is used by all the stars
Doctors say that babies should smoke until they’re three
People over thirty five take baths in Lipton tea
If you want to make this world a better place to stay
Buy a record of this song and throw it far away

I'm Not Small
by Marcia Berman

One of the most infectious sing-a-longs I’ve heard written by Marcia Berman but learned off an old “Babysitters” record, a group that included Lee Hays and Alan Arkin.

I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry the wind on my back
When it blows I’ll blow too
That’s not very hard to do
I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry the wind on my back

I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a tree on my back
When it grows I’ll grow too
That’s not very hard to do
I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a tree on my back

I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a giant on my back
When she thumps the world I’ll thump the world too
That’s not very hard to do
I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a giant on my back

I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a piano on my back
When it makes music I’ll make music too
That’s not very hard to do
I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a piano on my back

I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a car on my back
When it drives I’ll drive too
That’s not very hard to do
I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a car on my back

I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a whale on my back
When it swims I’ll swim too
That’s not very hard to do
I’m not small, I’m so tall, I can carry a whale on my back