50 Ways to Fool Your Mother

Early in the morning when you open up your eyes
You can hear the coffee perking and the egg your mother fries
Lyin’ in your bed you start to feel blue
When you think of all the things that you really want to do.

You want to play baseball, you want to ride your bike
You want to read a comic book, you want to take a hike
But no you don’t, there’s something else to do

Dress yourself and have your breakfast, you’ve got to go to school
If just this once you didn’t have to go
But if you ask they’ll just say no
If you only think a moment, there’s something you can do
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother.

It’s really rather simple if you only stop and think
You could tell her you got sick last night and threw up in the sink
Say you got the measles, say you got the mumps
Tell her that you’re too depressed and way down in the dumps
Say that you’re not you, there’s a martian in your place,
You’re really on a rocketship somewhere in outer space
Oh you’ve got to use your head, but I’m sure you’ll find a way
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother

You could tell her that your teacher said you’ve done so well
You don’t have to go to school today, you can rest a spell
Tell her that a tidal wave is comin’ to your town
If you try to get to school you just might drown!
Say a herd of elephants is roamin’ through the streets
That your shoes have shrunk, they won’t fit on your feet
Say your school was zapped into hyperspace
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother.

You could tell her that your turtle’s sick, you’ve got to stay at home
You’re waiting for the President to call you on the phone
Say you’re sore and achy, there’s a poundin’ in your head
That your legs won’t move, you can’t get out of bed
Tell her that you won’t get up, you know it’s just a dream
You know your real mother would never act so mean
Put some powder on your fact until it’s really white
Heat up the thermometer over the light
Take some iodine and put some spots upon your face
There must be 50 ways to fool your mother.

So your mother finally buys it and says “OK”
But if you’re so sick, you can’t go out to play.
You’ve got to stay at home, you’ve got to get some rest
I can help you with your homework you can study for your test
Maybe by tomorrow you’ll feel OK
I’m really very sorry that you’re sick on Saturday”
SATURDAY! I didn’t know it was Saturday!

Your mother smiles sweetly as she gets up to leave
You should have known that mothers got something up their sleeves

There must be some way out of this, something you can do
Are there 50 more ways to fool your mother?
50 ways to fool your mother? 50 ways to fool your mother?

© Bill Harley, all rights reserved. Reprints with permission only.


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