A cautionary tale.

It was late the other night when you turned off all the lights
And you finally put your weary bones to bed
In your bed you lay and you look back on the day
When suddenly a thought pops in your head
Things are growing the garden and
They might be getting large and
You meant to check ’em but thin it slipped your mind
When you wake up in the morning
You know you had your warning
You look out the window to find

Zucchinis! Growing by the score, ever larger ever more
Every time you turn around you find ’em there
Zucchinis! Growing like the plague, some are bigger than your leg
Sneaking up the back porch stair
Zucchinis! You give ’em to your friends until the friendship ends
When your friends are gone you don’t know what to do
When you look at all you’ve lost, you pray for early frost
Afraid that they will finally get you

Last winter so inspired, you sat beside your fire
And planned a garden that met all your needs
You read the catalog, threw on another log
And carelessly you ordered all those seeds
In the spring what do you do? You plant a hill or two
You’re excited as they propagate and flower
But the summer rolls along, and you sing a different song
‘Cause you’re picking hose suckers by the hour

Zucchinis! Always more and never less, they are growing to excess
Their behavior is abnormal, gross and lewd
Zucchinis! Don’t they know enough’s enough?
I don’t eve like the stuff
I can’t imagine why some people call it food
Zucchinis! As I watch them spawn and grow
Their purpose finally shows
It’s an awful deed which I must now relate
Their existence is the plan of an evil alien
With intentions to invade and dominate

I can see it in your eyes, some of you are quite surprised
Some of you think I’m off my gourd
But I’m telling you right now, this is serious and how
A situation that we really can’t ignore
Just consider, when they’ve grown, we bring them in our homes
On the windowsills they sit and gather dust
Then we take them from the shelves and we swallow them ourselves
Bodysnatchers! They become a part of us!

Zucchinis! Sautéed, baked and fried, in casseroles and pies
Turning into pickles and to bread
Zucchinis! It seems there’s no relief
Their victory means our grief
As they slyly work their way into our heads
Zucchinis! We’ve got to organize, we’ve got to sever ties
From these monsters that disguise themselves as squash
If you’re selling, I ain’t buying’, if you’re cooking, I ain’t tryin’
I am sorry but the whole thing doesn’t wash

© Bill Harley, all rights reserved. Reprints with permission only.


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