(B: Hey, Keith! You ready to go?
K: Um, yeah. I’m ready to go. I don’t think you’re ready to go.
B: What do you mean?
K: You cannot wear that.
B: What?)

Chorus:
Why must you wear that hideous sweater
Why must you wear that hideous sweater
Why must you wear that hideous sweater
When we go out together

It’s yellow and purple, magenta and green
(B: my favorite colors)
You got it for Christmas from your Aunt Pauline
It’s the ugliest sweater that I’ve ever seen
But you love it, you love it, you do

Chorus

It looks like some mangled up, tangled up yarn
(B: Says you)
That was barfed up by the old cat that lives in the barn
(B: Wait a minute)
It’s all full of holes and it’s not worth a darn
But you love it, you love it, you do

Chorus

K: I just can’t believe all the weird things you do
B: I’m an original – yep, through and through!
K: You’ll never change, I know that much is true 
B: Why can’t you admit it, that I’m just like you?

(K: Aw- What! No, you are not.
B: Keith, you’re not one to talk.
K: Wha- what are you talking about?
B: Look at what you’re wearing.
K: What I’m wearing?
B: Yeah, that thing.
K: It’s beautiful.)

How ’bout this old tee shirt that you always wear
(K: It’s vintage)
It’s covered in grease stains and mostly threadbare
(K: So?)
It smells something awful but you just don’t care
You love it, you love it, you do
(B: You know that’s the truth)

Why must you wear that hideous sweater/tee shirt
Why must you wear that hideous sweater/tee shirt
Why must you wear that hideous sweater/tee shirt
When we go out together
When we go out together

(B: Hey, Keith? Could I borrow that?)

© Keith Munslow, all rights reserved. Reprints with permission only.